About Me

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Lyndonville, Vermont, United States
Hi there and welcome to my blog. I am a married 60 year old woman who still has the mind of a twenty year old. I have three children and two grandsons. I've been to hell and back each time stronger than the time before. If I can help you then it was all worth it.

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

The Choices We Make #NewBlogger#LookingBack#Regrets#Life#LazyBrain

“There were times, like today, when she realized that after a youth of skating along slippery surfaces, she had now settled into a domestic rut of dazzling sameness, each day forced to perform the same show with the same players, just each player one day older. She wondered why it had to be this way, why are we forced to choose one life. Why do we insist that there can only be one “us”, one life that makes us up in our entirety? Why can't we have more than one identity? And why do we have to destroy one life to create another? We claim to long for the “well-rounded,” the Renaissance man or woman inside all of us, yet our only variety is cosmetic. In reality, we do all we can to smother that spirit out, to make us conform, to define us as one thing and one thing only.”

I read that paragraph in some book I was reading not believing my eyes. This is why I got into so much trouble. Why I couldn't deal with the boredom of day in day out kind of boredom at home. Looking back I know we had plenty of vacations so what was wrong with me? Why I lost my child. And now why I have so many regrets. Now I am in full circle where when depression hits me I call The Darling Inn a place where I'm waiting to die. There have been so many deaths since the three years we have lived here I am now used to it. 

The places I have been, the things I have seen. Each different what I will call 'lives' I have never been in great danger. I think of myself as chameleon blending into whichever lifestyle I had either chose or fell into. In my blog, I will be unveiling my life laying it out for all to see. I'm not proud of the life choices I made. I'm proud of how I was able to get out of them. At least the worst ones.

When I was growing up I'm pretty sure since my mother having me at a youngish age, she was eighteen, she was trying to live vicariously through me. From a young child, she wanted me to be a nurse. So as I grew up I thought I wanted to be a nurse. I would take those tests at school to see what you would love to work as. It always came out being a vet or similar. 

In the 6th grade, I had a teacher I will never forget. Mrs. Hilary. She was a stern woman that all the kids didn't like but I didn't see it.  I had troubles especially in math which would keep me in from my recess. She tried all kinds of tactics until she discovered I had what is called "a lazy brain'" Here is another link to try. I sure wish I had a computer when I was younger. It may have saved me a lot of tears and discomfort around other people whose brains were sharp as a tack. It was and still embarrassing. I'm so grateful my husband understands and doesn't make me feel stupid. That's why I was so good at Sportsfishing. It was a hands-on job, no big words to learn, pronounce and understand.

Later on, as an adult not too many years ago I went to Dartmouth Hospital my primary doctor advised me to go and get tested. It was weird to see what I went and still go through on paper. If you have a problem trying to remember stuff or any other kind of problem-solving issue you may have there are help and hope. Don't give up on your dreams.


Part of speech: adjective
Origin: French, late 16th century

 1.Bright green in hue
2.Green due to lush, growing vegetation
3.Inexperienced or fresh

Examples of Verdant in a sentence

 "The verdant trees and plants of the Amazon rainforest are stunningly beautiful."

"Living in a drab city, I long for the verdant pastures of the countryside."

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