About Me

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Lyndonville, Vermont, United States
Hi there and welcome to my blog. I am a married 60 year old woman who still has the mind of a twenty year old. I have three children and two grandsons. I've been to hell and back each time stronger than the time before. If I can help you then it was all worth it.

Thursday, August 8, 2019

Grandson's Birthdays Are This Month #NewBlogger#LongDistanceGrandma#Travel#Jealousy

This is a picture of Liz's (My niece from her parent's previous marriage) twins when we were going over for Christmas for lack of my own grandson's pictures. They are both four now. 

My #GrandsonsBirthdays are coming up this month. Barrett will be four. Ace will be three. Their mom will be somewhere in there. I bet you couldn't plan that if you tried. Last year I and Grandpa Rose sang #HappyBirthday to them making a video.

I really enjoyed my own children when they were at that those ages having a lot of fun with my kids. Getting on facebook I see the happy smiling faces of my grandsons in the back of their mother's car with their brand new toys that nana and papa, Tysen's father, my ex, and step-mother, wonderful women, got them with the money they sent for the boys birthdays. They are overjoyed.

At first, I think oh good. Look at how happy they are. Then here comes creeping in the green monster of jealousy which is never far away.  I think to myself, "How come they don't let me know when my packages get there for the boys"? "Aren't they good enough"? I'm pushing every bad negative thought away with a good thought but it keeps getting harder.

Not only do the boy's Florida grandparents get the pictures taken and bragged about. They have the room to set them up for vacations. The boys call them by grandparents nicknames. I mean I had a meltdown bending my poor daughter's ear wailing about the unfairness of it all the whole time the mother-daughter dynamic got turned around with her comforting me. 

I have been trying to do the long-distant grandma thing sending homemade cards with a dollar each in them. I gulp hoping the boys will like them, of course, wishing we could do more. It's not easy being a #LongDistanceGrandma plus being in a different tax bracket at that.

When my kids were little I worked and I worked hard having at least two jobs and a renter having plenty of money. I could do whatever I wanted for my kids. Everything is different now and I know for a fact it wouldn't affect me like this if I didn't feel like I was always in competition for my own grandsons' affections.

I mean really who can blame me? They were the first to see each boy when they were born. They were the first to see their new address making, of course, numerous visits. The kids stay with them a week at a time. They have never been here. But we live in a rent-adjusted two-bedroom apartment and really don't have the room. We don't drive so there's that. They live in the sun, we live in the cold. Now that my son is out of the military settling in Texas of course who got to see their new place? Guess who. 

So I try and put all those #NegativeFeelings that despite myself came rolling over me into my bad feelings suitcase sitting on that sucker to lock it. But I know that sucker will come springing open the minute I read anything social at any time. I turned looking at grandpa telling him that we are going on vacation just you and me. I need a distraction besides social media. Good-bye green monster of jealousy. I banish you once again.

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