About Me

My photo
Lyndonville, Vermont, United States
Hi there and welcome to my blog. I am a married 60 year old woman who still has the mind of a twenty year old. I have three children and two grandsons. I've been to hell and back each time stronger than the time before. If I can help you then it was all worth it.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Chemical Imbalance Used To Rule My Life #NewBlogger#GetHelp#Medication#ChemicalImbalance

I went over to my kitchen sink for some reason, can't remember why. I think to turn on the kitchen light. All morning the sun's been trying to come out and not doing a very good job of it! I don't know what it is about growing older and waking up at the ungodly hour of 5 am. I remember when I was younger, much younger, sleeping in was easy as pie. Get up to go to the bathroom, back to bed.

Then I was facing a sinkful of dishes I had put off and decided to start washing. I got to the silverware and a couple of pans, the top of the stove still needs to be washed, before my back started to tighten up which reminded me of the days I used to blame almost all my pain that I suffer with now on my past relationships.

Some of them are the direct aftermath of old injuries from past relationships where in that world, it was pretty much normal for an argument to escalate into physical violence. All this is going through my mind as I'm washing dishes as fast as I can before back pain sets in!

The world I'm in now there is no fighting, pushing or smacking. No name-calling or jealousy. Hardly any drinking. A 12-pack can last all month now. Before when I was in my 20's, the '30s and even early 40's I thought that was so boring. And no one was going to tell me different.

For the 14 years I've been with my husband for we lived together first before we got married I have been bruise-free. The only bruises I get is from my clumsiness. My husband had never laid a hand on me even though at first I would shy away if I thought he was which was all in my head.

What I'm doing is simply telling my story and hopefully save someone else from making choices that can put you in danger. I was that daredevil. I loved those bad boys. I was addicted to constant excitement.

This post lets start from the top. By the top, I mean head and my brain. I had the best Doctor ever in Maine before I moved to Vermont. Years ago he discovered I had a chemical imbalance. Now I take two Zoloft a day to keep the anger away. Been taking my medication for years. The medication works.

Chemical imbalances seem to run through my family but just the women. Looking back I remember around twelve first my Grandma had to be institutionalized after my grandpa had left her. She was in her forties.  Then my mother the same thing ending with my father leaving her for a while as well. Not a good batting average. My mother wouldn't take her meds saying they made her feel funny which back then these meds did exactly that!

So now I have my head together and believe me you don't want to see me off of them. I seem to grow porcupine quills and try and shoot them at everyone! I know this because I tried it thinking "I'm fine, I don't need Zoloft". The result of that was calling up my job at Eastern main & Deli in St. Johnsbury, Vermont quitting, being hired back with 2 weeks to get back on my meds again. If you feel you can't control certain emotional issues talk to your doctor. You may need a little extra help.

How do you deal with life' emotional battles?

Total Pageviews