About Me

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Lyndonville, Vermont, United States
Hi there and welcome to my blog. I am a married 60 year old woman who still has the mind of a twenty year old. I have three children and two grandsons. I've been to hell and back each time stronger than the time before. If I can help you then it was all worth it.

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

My First Daughter Was Conceived #Firstborn#BmadeOnABoat#MyBaby#SanDiego#California

My first child Amy Rebeckah Barker was born at the Desert Hospital. She was conceived on the boat my husband and I was working on. We had to be rescued once again by my parents and Don's parents put us up. I was in labor 16 hours with her. The whole time no drugs. I wanted natural and that was that. Unfortunately, at the end of all that time, I had become weak and not pushing wasn't an option anymore for I had only dilated to a four and you have to go to ten, the baby wasn't waiting anymore! 

My doctor made the call for a C-Section. I freaked yelling that my mother said you were a butcher, the last thing I remember is a white mask being put over my face. Next, I'm being woken up by a nurse saying “Mrs. Barker you had a baby girl” and me all groggy telling her I did not! Then there she was my sweet baby girl.
They ended up keeping her though releasing me thinking she had jaundice and I was determined to breastfeed so for four days I went back and forth to the hospital every four hours until the nurses convinced me to sleep the night and they would give her a bottle at night so I could rest. 

I was so tired with dark circles under my eyes I looked like a heroin addict! Finally, I was able to bring her home which made me happy. When she had troubles sleeping me and my husband would take Amy out for a drive and it worked every time.
I will never forget when Amy was a toddler. My mother and I had taken her to this big park with rolling hills of green grass hiding our brightly colored eggs all around making them easily accessible for a small child to find.

Amy was looking for eggs at my mother's and I prompting where there was an egg that was nestled at the top of an empty pole hole. When she bent over to pick up her Easter egg it disappeared. It had fallen straight down that hole! The look on Amy's face was priceless. I burst out laughing going over to see where the egg went. That memory is stuck in my mind.

 I have been doing a lot of thinking about past Easter's. Growing up in Palm Springs, California the Easter's of my childhood were always hot and sunny. Here in the East, you may still see snow on the ground, melting, or it could snow.

When my son was born so did my love for all holidays only now I got to see them through my children's eyes. Since I was living in Maine by now most of the egg hunting was inside the house starting easy to find then getting a little harder as my son got older.

I loved making the #Easter baskets. I would find discount baskets, fill them with small toys, some chocolate, sprinkling jelly beans all through the grass. Then I would wrap up the whole basket with colored Suran Wrap, stand back to admire, then placed where my son could find it.

There is nothing like the excited gleam in your child's eyes as each treasure was found. I had also filled plastic eggs with small goodies may be going a little overboard but I was filling in what I had always wanted to do, had the money at the time, so I took advantage of that curious, fun-loving inner-child of mine.

Four years later I had a #daughter. The Little Mermaid was big when she was born and she was named Ariel. I just loved the movie watching it over and over again with my little son who was into all the cartoons and animated movies. Teenage Turtles was one of my favorites. Lion King was made just for me, I just knew it!

Then #Easter turned into Easter for two which became a whole new ballgame balancing the 'first-timers' with an older sibling who wanted nothing more than to help his little sister. My son was a loving, bouncy, animated child while my daughter was very somber, mulling over a question, then answering it thoughtfully.

There were times at the park where I remember one-time big brother had to protect little sister from some of the most rambunctious children so she could find her eggs. There were the egg toss and egg drop games. It was a lot of fun trying to figure out how to drop an egg and not break it from a very long height.

Another memory just flashed through my mind of when I had joined The Salvation Army church services where on Easter Sunday my kids were in a play. Thank goodness I have it all recorded on tape, making plans to convert them all to disks.

Now I have 2 #grandsons and can watch them enjoy the holidays on Face chat which emotionally is uplifting and heartbreaking at the same time.  I would never trade my kid's successes and accomplishments or ask them to come nearer to me though. Both are thriving adults and I thank God for that, but I don't think I will ever shake the sadness that is lodged deep in me for not being able to be there all the time.

My heart goes out to all the #Grandparents and parents who are feeling the same thing. And you never know about the future do you. I have #Pinterest on my homepage. There is a board with activities for Grandparents. Go there and have a look if you'd like.

Compliments of Word Genius

Part of speech: adjective
Origin: Ancient Greek 
1.Calm, serene, or tranquil
2.A time in the past marked by peace and happiness
3.Of or relating to the halcyon bird

 Examples of Halcyon in a sentence
 "I miss the halcyon days of my childhood when I didn’t have to worry about the pressures of adult life."
 "Her halcyon lifestyle may seem wonderful, but it was earned by decades of hard work and determination." 

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Homemade Cards For Grandkids #NewBlogger#HomemadeCards#DIYcards#Grandkids

I'm in such a good mood. I have been fooling around on my computer since about 7 am this morning. It's now at 1 pm. A few days ago I appealed facebook's computerized banning of my blog to which I said to myself. Self, I don't think so. I appealed and won. When I read that the computer was involved if you appealed human eyes would see and judge. So I put my page back up.

I was able to clean our computer room with my back giving me only a little trouble. I rearranged some of the furniture. I like it. The floor is swept and mopped. I also went out to the recycle bin getting rid of a week's worth of cans, bottles, plastics & cardboard. That felt good. The people of the Darling Inn are very good about recycling.

Inspiration overtook me I started making my grandsons another set of cards. I will put in a dollar in each one. Plus I'm sending sunflower seeds to remind them of Grandma & Grandpa Rose. Now I'm waiting for the glue to dry. Just maybe someday I'll send a rosebush. Gotta find out how much first. And last but not least it should storm today. Or at least rain heavily. That would wrap up my afternoon for sure. Everyone have a great day! Oh yes, I was just approved for an ad on my blog. That was cool.

Word Of The Day

Part of speech: noun
Origin: English, the 1950s

 1.A word or phrase that results from misheard language
2.A made-up lyric or line that replaces a song's real words

Friday, August 16, 2019

Walker Scotts & Marriage #NewBlogger#TeenageMarraige#TheCarIsALemon#StupidMistakes

I was born in Palm Springs, California. All I knew was high temperatures, desert sand, always yearning for cooler weather. Working at the Palm Springs mall which when I looked it up there was only one store open in the whole mall I was astounded and a little let down. Memories versus real life. Real-life won.

My mother had let me have one last summer before rejoining the workforce. Which we all know what happened there with dumtwit Tony.


I filled out an application got the interview and was now a department store worker. They put me in the lingerie department which I adored. I was asked to be the department's manager but since I hate paperwork I declined. I learned quickly mastering the old fashioned cash register cashing out a customer often so quickly it would emit this loud beep. So I had to slow down. I got 20% off which was wonderful soon having a drawer full of matching bra and panties all in different colors.

I was starting to see this new guy. He was a definite rebound guy. I didn't like the pain of a broken heart not knowing what to do or handle the horrible pain this guy named Don's interest in me was a welcome balsam to my shattered broken heart. Every so often Tony would come through the store. Walking past my department arm in arm with a girl which made me all the more determined to erase away the pain which was slowly turning to anger.

By the time I had started seeing Don I had saved up $500.00 in the little bank in the mall. Every week I would take out a twenty saving the rest. Don, of course, didn't own a car. Me being the freedom-loving clueless idiot wanted to show that creep Tony that I could get around too. Don would regale me with stories of San Diego working on the Sports Fishing boats. I love San Deigo, California which you can read in my Traveling section. I had travel fever. Plus it would get me far far away from him who I shall not name again.

Little did I know that the word "Sucker" was tattooed on my forehead at this point. Along with my desire to get the hell out of my home from hell, I decided to "help" Don buy a car. By help meaning I would buy it so right there on the sales certificate we lied about being married. Oh boy, a life of crime has begun. I figured what the hell could it hurt. it was a used car dealership who would find out? I kissed my $500 goodbye, I had no license but Don did!

So here we were. I was eighteen. I wanted out of my childhood home. I wanted away from you know who. Here I was with a guy for a whole month. What could go wrong?  Now we as in me owned a car. I don't remember what kind of car except it was bought from a used car dealership. I found out what a 'lemon' meant in used car speak for the rear end fell off during one of our excursions making this god awful noise.


By now I had known Don all of three months having met his brother and his wife. He also had another brother and wife with a little boy. His parents were very very old.  Okay, I went through my Grammarly and found this. I have bits and pieces of my life in pages which I'm slowly organizing. Why rewrite if you already have written?

 We're Going to the chapel of love we all were singing quite loudly and out of key.  My future husband's brother and wife were driving me and Don to Los Vegas, Nevada to elope. I was 18 by now and freedom was so exciting.

I stood in blue jeans and a cool blouse quietly almost whispering, "I do" in front of the Justice of the Peace at the City Hall. I could swear my knees were shaking.
I should have taken the hint when the car we were being driven in by my soon to be brother in law broke down. Somehow the white gown like the dress I had been wearing got black on it. I have never worn white well. That's how I ended up in blue jeans. That song "Forever In Bluejeans" by the great Neil Diamond was being sung in my head.

It was in April of 1977. The temperature was in the hundreds. I was all sweaty, which I abhor.  Looking at that date it seems so long ago. I was eighteen and my soon to be husband was 20 years of age. I had known him all of a few months. I had just had my heart broken by a boy and instead of wallowing in pain I latched on to this available male. 

I was eloping in defiance of being told what to do all the time and all my life by my mother. Also so we could buy a used car if you can believe that, with my friggi'n money if you can believe THAT. My new-found freedom I had been waiting years and years for wasn't complete yet. I still lived at home and had to listen to a mother who thought she knew the right way for everything. 

Her way was the right way and she would not let it go. Plus insisting that "shacking up" was bad. I was going to burn in the fires of hell. Getting married THEN having sex was good. So to shut her up and even though I disagreed with almost everything she said, I still loved and wanted her approval. 

But it was done my new husband and I came down the steps only to get rice slammed in our faces by my new brother-in-law. Another sign? It was very surreal, but I embraced it as a new adventure and was ready for action!

I called my mother and announced, "Guess what mom I got married." What a wonderful daughter I was! Ever do something impulsive and want to take it back? That's my life.

I'm now married at the ripe old age of 18. My husband was 20. We had bought this little blue Ford that zipped us around and a few days later we decided to move to San Deigo. I was all for it, ready for adventure, got a new husband, let's go! We packed up a tent, sleeping bags, and a few other things and off we went.

I remember staying at a campground keeping warm by having a very long hot shower. We met a guy who we befriended for a short time while often going to Denny's and drinking hot coffee all night long. Before long we needed a job like yesterday!

Now my husband had told me stories about working on the Sports Fishing boats so when we got to the harbor I was in absolute heaven. We both were hired and I was overjoyed. Pretty soon I had mastered fishing, helping the customers and cooking on a boat this one being 64 feet long. I loved being a deckhand.

We had overnight Albacore fishing trips, we'd come in to dock the first place I headed for was the little shop that sold smoked fish and I loved it! Another place was a restaurant that sold big crab salads with white wine. I was so in love with the area.
We lived on fish and I would go barefoot with my dress tied up at the knee running all over the deck, it was as if I had been born to the sea. I believe those were some of the other happiest days of my life.

To be continued...My daughter was conceived.

Thursday, August 15, 2019

DIY Fresh Kitty Water #NewBlogger#WaterFeeder#LoveMyKitty

I'm so proud of myself. I was in my kitchen once again pouring out Cotton's water bowl. As I'm doing this I'm thinking to myself there has got to be a better way. I need a water feeder. In checking emails I had spotted one but couldn't find the email again so I made this from memory.

I took a glass pan and a gallon jug. My husband drinks endless fresh spring water so I have plenty of jugs. I filled up the gallon jug putting the cap on. Taking my razor knife I made a hole 1 inch from the bottom fitting it in the glass pan. I watched as water filled up nice and clear. Now kitty has nice clean fresh water.

Not as clear as I would like but I hope you get the picture. Also, I included Cotton's play area. I got the kitty stand free from downstairs where I live. The scratching pad a friend bought for her. My motto is "If it's free it's for me."

Why the blue tint I have no idea. Probably some camera setting I don't know about. The camera is new.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Chemical Imbalance Used To Rule My Life #NewBlogger#GetHelp#Medication#ChemicalImbalance

I went over to my kitchen sink for some reason, can't remember why. I think to turn on the kitchen light. All morning the sun's been trying to come out and not doing a very good job of it! I don't know what it is about growing older and waking up at the ungodly hour of 5 am. I remember when I was younger, much younger, sleeping in was easy as pie. Get up to go to the bathroom, back to bed.

Then I was facing a sinkful of dishes I had put off and decided to start washing. I got to the silverware and a couple of pans, the top of the stove still needs to be washed, before my back started to tighten up which reminded me of the days I used to blame almost all my pain that I suffer with now on my past relationships.

Some of them are the direct aftermath of old injuries from past relationships where in that world, it was pretty much normal for an argument to escalate into physical violence. All this is going through my mind as I'm washing dishes as fast as I can before back pain sets in!

The world I'm in now there is no fighting, pushing or smacking. No name-calling or jealousy. Hardly any drinking. A 12-pack can last all month now. Before when I was in my 20's, the '30s and even early 40's I thought that was so boring. And no one was going to tell me different.

For the 14 years I've been with my husband for we lived together first before we got married I have been bruise-free. The only bruises I get is from my clumsiness. My husband had never laid a hand on me even though at first I would shy away if I thought he was which was all in my head.

What I'm doing is simply telling my story and hopefully save someone else from making choices that can put you in danger. I was that daredevil. I loved those bad boys. I was addicted to constant excitement.

This post lets start from the top. By the top, I mean head and my brain. I had the best Doctor ever in Maine before I moved to Vermont. Years ago he discovered I had a chemical imbalance. Now I take two Zoloft a day to keep the anger away. Been taking my medication for years. The medication works.

Chemical imbalances seem to run through my family but just the women. Looking back I remember around twelve first my Grandma had to be institutionalized after my grandpa had left her. She was in her forties.  Then my mother the same thing ending with my father leaving her for a while as well. Not a good batting average. My mother wouldn't take her meds saying they made her feel funny which back then these meds did exactly that!

So now I have my head together and believe me you don't want to see me off of them. I seem to grow porcupine quills and try and shoot them at everyone! I know this because I tried it thinking "I'm fine, I don't need Zoloft". The result of that was calling up my job at Eastern main & Deli in St. Johnsbury, Vermont quitting, being hired back with 2 weeks to get back on my meds again. If you feel you can't control certain emotional issues talk to your doctor. You may need a little extra help.

How do you deal with life' emotional battles?

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Glamis, California #NewBlogger#Travel#RideThoseDunes

Oh, how I miss going to Glamis. My dad would go out to the garage and work on his most recent vehicle which was always a Volks Wagon. I would watch as he would transform the car into a Dunebuggie ready for the dunes. These weren't just any dunes but miles and miles of soft white sand mountains often with tire trails around the rim of the dune. It was as scary and fun like a rollercoaster. I used to have pictures but the album got lost on my move from California to Maine.

Dad would get his newest Dunebuggy all ready to go with a '76 Chevy engine chugging away. I sure do miss those old classic cars. He would tell my mom get ready to go camping sending me out to get our family camper ready which consisted of wiping down all the sand inside. I had to make sure there were dishes and pans, toilet paper, etc. That part wasn't as fun as riding in the back on the top bunk where looking out you could see the road ahead.

So off we would go my dad driving the distance to get there for a weekend of pure heart-pounding fun. My dad loved me riding along with him because I didn't scream at the scary dips and turns but would throw my head back and laugh at the pure joy of being alive at that moment.

I remember Thanksgiving weekend. There was a full moon. We had arrived in Glamis earlier that day riding whatever vehicles we had on the side. That year it was 4-wheelers. I was 15, the year was 1973. Seems light years ago. Because it was! We had already eaten breakfast, eggs & bacon, lunch, Coldcut sandwiches then dinner which usually was hotdogs or hamburgers with the fixings. The sun had finally sunk behind the dunes the other campers and dune buggy enthusiasts started jumping into their vehicles.

There is nothing like the roar of a hundred chevy engines all starting up at the same time. Unless its a hundred Harleys. All with the same chug chug chug sound starting up it was music to my ears. We all started following the trail that would take us to some of the biggest dunes around the headlights all twisting and turning going up and down the hilly trail with the full moon also helping to light the way.

I remember three dunes in a row. My dad and I climbed the first dune making it to the top. Sitting on top we looked down where the people looked like ants at the bottom. My father asked me if I was ready which I was. Down we headed towards the other vehicles. This happened two more times. The third one I yelled were we going to hell laughing on the way down. What a rush. So much fun. I will never forget our trips to Glamis, California.

Monday, August 12, 2019

Happy Birthday Barrett #NewBlogger#LongDistanceGrandma#Grandson#HappyBirthday

From your Dad
It’s never easy growing up.  If I can say anything about myself that I know to be completely honest it’s how I’ve managed to avoid growing up as much as any person ever has.  There never was a time where I sat back and thought to myself, “It’s time to slow down” or “I’m ready to be a grown-up”.  That is until I married your Mom.  Granted she would fight tooth and nail to argue that I’m

 still the same child she married, however, many years ago the unintentional act of growing up had to and did, happen.  It wasn’t anything she did.  It wasn’t anything I did.  It was the conscious act of deciding we wanted to have you.  I wish I could say there was some amazing Dragon Ball Z style transformation (we’ll watch it someday) or some coming of age story all Breakfast Clubesque (we won’t bother watching that one I’ll just wiki it for you) it just sort of happened.  It’s not often I and your mom come to a joint decision without much deliberation but we both managed to both our surprises to end up in a place where you were the next move to make and much to our surprise you must have been in the same mindset because you didn’t waste a minute.  POOF! Baby.  I would hate for the day to come where you read this and not be completely honest so I’ll tell you how I really feel.  Ready.  It’s not to say that I’m not excited or nervous, it’s just that those feelings take a far back seat to just being ready to get things started.  You’re the culmination of a lot of luck, hard work, and positive karma and the beginning of a new time for me, the end of a time that lasted almost 30 years.  So with a room full of baby crap that’s beginning to appear to be growing on its own (thank your mom for that) and the days slowly ticking by until I have to watch the labor thing happen (not exciting) we patiently (your mom isn’t patient anymore) await the arrival of the next generation of Couture’s (even if you’re going to have to listen to 2 different pronunciations for the rest of your life).  So until then do your part and be healthy, kick the heck out of mom’s insides and try and develop me and Grandma Rose’s awesome blue eyes!  Love you.

Friday, August 9, 2019

Resources From Chump Lady #NewBlogger#Chumplady#Help

I have been following Chump lady for years now. I love her wit, blunt honesty, she is the real deal. I dropped out of blogging for a couple of years the reason being I overwhelmed myself. Lesson learned.

My first Grandson was born inspiring me to start writing and blogging again. It has taken me almost four years to start writing remembering my past. Which was painful enough when it was actually happening its like childbirth. You don't feel the pain only remembering there was lots of it. That's why you keep doing it again and again until you finally wise up.

That's the purpose of my new blog. I have almost five hundred views so far I guess that's good. I have around twenty-six posts. I dunno. So here is the link from Chumplady. She will help you or at the most crack you right up.

Recycle Reuse #NewBlogger#Recycle#Reuse

I had to take a picture and blog this because I'm so damn #thrifty and smart. I say this with a droll smile. My husband exclaimed at what a good idea for one of those hangers. The kind where you hang pants on. If you don't get the pants in there good enough the hanger won't close. Or if you do manage to get the pants to stay in the hanger the steel trap can rap your fingers hard enough to bruise.


This hanger has been bouncing around in my apartment for a while now. The idea came to me when I was looking at my big bag of Tostadas wondering how I was going to keep them #fresh. That hanger just popped into my head and presto! I had a bag closer. I hung it on my cupboard handle just because I can. 

I have decided since I love words to start posting a word for each blog...maybe. So to start it off here is a word.  


1. Enraged to the point of fury. 

2. Related to the causes of denoting a stroke. 

3. Likely to cause a stroke. 

Thursday, August 8, 2019

Grandson's Birthdays Are This Month #NewBlogger#LongDistanceGrandma#Travel#Jealousy

This is a picture of Liz's (My niece from her parent's previous marriage) twins when we were going over for Christmas for lack of my own grandson's pictures. They are both four now. 

My #GrandsonsBirthdays are coming up this month. Barrett will be four. Ace will be three. Their mom will be somewhere in there. I bet you couldn't plan that if you tried. Last year I and Grandpa Rose sang #HappyBirthday to them making a video.

I really enjoyed my own children when they were at that those ages having a lot of fun with my kids. Getting on facebook I see the happy smiling faces of my grandsons in the back of their mother's car with their brand new toys that nana and papa, Tysen's father, my ex, and step-mother, wonderful women, got them with the money they sent for the boys birthdays. They are overjoyed.

At first, I think oh good. Look at how happy they are. Then here comes creeping in the green monster of jealousy which is never far away.  I think to myself, "How come they don't let me know when my packages get there for the boys"? "Aren't they good enough"? I'm pushing every bad negative thought away with a good thought but it keeps getting harder.

Not only do the boy's Florida grandparents get the pictures taken and bragged about. They have the room to set them up for vacations. The boys call them by grandparents nicknames. I mean I had a meltdown bending my poor daughter's ear wailing about the unfairness of it all the whole time the mother-daughter dynamic got turned around with her comforting me. 

I have been trying to do the long-distant grandma thing sending homemade cards with a dollar each in them. I gulp hoping the boys will like them, of course, wishing we could do more. It's not easy being a #LongDistanceGrandma plus being in a different tax bracket at that.

When my kids were little I worked and I worked hard having at least two jobs and a renter having plenty of money. I could do whatever I wanted for my kids. Everything is different now and I know for a fact it wouldn't affect me like this if I didn't feel like I was always in competition for my own grandsons' affections.

I mean really who can blame me? They were the first to see each boy when they were born. They were the first to see their new address making, of course, numerous visits. The kids stay with them a week at a time. They have never been here. But we live in a rent-adjusted two-bedroom apartment and really don't have the room. We don't drive so there's that. They live in the sun, we live in the cold. Now that my son is out of the military settling in Texas of course who got to see their new place? Guess who. 

So I try and put all those #NegativeFeelings that despite myself came rolling over me into my bad feelings suitcase sitting on that sucker to lock it. But I know that sucker will come springing open the minute I read anything social at any time. I turned looking at grandpa telling him that we are going on vacation just you and me. I need a distraction besides social media. Good-bye green monster of jealousy. I banish you once again.

The Gift Of A Local Market #NewBlogger#FriendlyMarket#Shopping#Whites Market

Sometimes I rail at my boring life in a small town. Which is completely perverse of how I always wanted to live in a small town. This is where the grass isn't always greener no matter where you plant it. Especially if you have brutal winters. Which are really pretty, but cold. But I'm getting off track. 

Yesterday I went to my local market to take advantage of their double point day which is Wednesdays and Sundays. You reach so many points and you can get five dollars off your purchase or save them. I do both according to budget. They are also a five-minute walk which I had also always dreamed about. 

As I stepped out of my building it was becoming thunderous with a few lightning bolts in the near distance. I'm telling you I'm starting to feel like I'm playing lightening Russian roulette. Thank goodness the store is close by.

What I like about being a customer in a small town, in a neighborhood market, are the people. The cashiers call you by name, the other customers are friendly engaging you in conversations. I would miss that in a bigger store. As I'm going down the first aisle I spot a kid who is like any other gangly tall kid with a pockmarked face. He is friendly having a ready laugh. He is dating as we joke about the dating scene I say I got tired of the dating scene and got married. Which made a woman who was looking at the sour cream burst out a laugh.

I move on to the meat aisle always looking for the little red reduced tag coming to the chicken. Which is on sale for 99 cents a pound for the quarter cut. I love those deals snatching them up whenever I can. As I lift up a package of four pieces of chicken in a package it's almost too heavy to lift with one hand. Right behind me is a little old lady looking at the hamburger. Looking at her I exclaim what do they feed these chickens, I can barely pick up a package as I'm wrestling two packages one at a time into my cart. She laughs and agrees.

Note: Oh goody, it's raining I can hear it against my window pane. Turning my cart around I start down the condiment aisle which I'm looking for pecans for my smoothies. I actually got two of those cute young male clerks to look for a larger bag of them. I had already found canned pecans. Anyways the price of pecans is outrageous as I'm expressing this indignity to my budget there is another little old lady.

She turns around and she reminds me of how the bee population is dwindling because of the pesticides that are sprayed on the crops, price of gas, etc. which really burns my butt as that saying goes. So my next post will be about the poor little bees that without them we would all starve to death. She exclaimed women should be in a government office with the argument woman think ahead.

She further explains how her male cats will run out an open door without looking. The female cats will look left and right either going out or staying in. Which means she has a lot of cats. So lets put cats in office as well and #savethebees.

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Oh No You Didn't #NewBlogger#TeenAbuse#BrokenHeart#Don't GetFooled

I was going for my first job by myself. I was eighteen now. The long-awaited age signifying freedom. I was very nervous about going, but I got hired! I was so nervous. Then I was overjoyed excitingly waiting for my first day.
The mall was the place to hang out. By then I was an everyday smoker going out to sit with friends. That's where I met my first husband, Don. He was part of what 

I'll call Tony's friends and had become my friends as well. You see Tony had got in touch with me when he came back from his summer vacation telling me he wanted to go out with me. I would get all ready, he wouldn't show.  This happened again. I was so angry I called up my best friend who drove to go look for him. 

I knew where he was, at the Drive-In. knowing he would be in the back of the Drive-In that's where we went. That s.o.b. was there alright. I went stomping up to our friends demanding to know where Tony was. Of course, they didn't know as I raised an eyebrow. I found him alright walked up to him slapping his face yelling at him for abusing me like that. The layman's term was "messing with my mind." 

That's when my heart broke for good when I spotted the girl he was with. I could not believe he could do something like that. Ask me out then not show up taking another girl out. Here came that familiar pain as my friend took me crying inconsolably the 10 minute way home.

This part is where my vindictiveness came in when later on the following week I got a phone call telling me Tony was seeing another girl right behind where I lived. Omg! What a  jerk. So I began to plan.

All my life I had to be home by the time the street lamps came on often speeding home on my bicycle in the nick of time. I was eighteen now I could go out after dark. After dinner which was at 6 pm every night like a clock, I'd go out for a walk. I loved that time of night. All my life I have loved the dark, the peace, the quiet, being concealed.
My walk would take me around the block where I spotted jerkface's car going around coming back home. Now I know revenge is not good but there was no telling me that at the time. I was pissed off. After a week of this, I asked my younger brother for his big puffy jacket and a baseball hat. Putting these articles on I went for my walk. My brother knew what I was up to keep my secret.

As I rounded the block the back of that black El Camino came into view. Walking up to it I squatted down. I didn't know what I was going to do until I got there. I was going to flatten all his tires. All of a sudden this Afro-American young kid comes running up to me squatting down demanded to know what I was doing.

I explained what was going down and guess what. He found me a little rock I could flatten a tire with. Using it for the tire valve air started hissing out. The kid was keeping watch as the tire got down to about halfway. Then I hear" he's coming out"!!! Tossing the rock aside I started running back towards home, the kid took off towards his house.

Slowing now and slightly out of breath from running a hear the noise of a car driving with a flat tire. He was coming down my street! I made my walk more like a boy looking down as he drove by. Omg, he didn't recognize me! I started to grin. Come into my neighborhood and date a girl with my name even I thought indignantly.

I get home, ten minutes later the phone rang. It was Tony demanding to know if I had let the air out of his tire. I innocently told him he knew I didn't go out at night hanging up. I was finally free of that horrible pain that had been in my heart.

Now I'm not saying that's what you should do. I wish I could have told someone or even left town for a while. Unlike today there was no internet. The reason I told this story was is to avoid guys like that. 

Red Flags
  1. The coming over for our first date with his guy friends.
  2. Not wanting to go out with your friends.
  3. Wanting to be just you and him alone.
  4. Never coming over to your house. 
  5. Demanding that you don't go out with friends waiting for him.
  6. Lying about asking you out.
  7. Making you pick him over your friends.
Get help instead of getting revenge. My story turned out okay but you never know. Bottom line is do not let a boy, or girl take advantage of you. As much as it may hurt kick him or her to the curb.

Family Aware

Monday, August 5, 2019

Our Baby Cotton Ball #newblogger#Cotton#Kitten#Sick

I'm pleased to say our kitten Cotton has made a full recovery. One of her greatest joys is batting a toilet paper roll around our middle room. I'm forever grateful to Linda a fellow volunteer over at the H.O.P.E. store. She is the only person who has been to where I live. I've volunteered for a little over a year. Anyways, our Cotton Ball is in full mischevious kitten mode. 

Humane SocietyRescue MeNo-kill ShelterReport Animal Cruelty

Tony The Boyfriend #NewBlogger#Protection#BrokenHeart#Counseling

Let's meet Tony. I was in 12th grade. The year had passed with week-ends full of fun with the girls. It was the best year of my life. I was no longer alone, no longer picked on. I had a friend's house to go to. 

I had given up on ever dating Ricky again. The painful broken heart of my 15-year-old heart had finally subsided only painfully jumping in my chest whenever I saw him and his new girlfriend walking together. *She eventually got pregnant by him.  

Anyways my senior Prom was coming up. I didn't really have any interest in going. Why would I want to go to the Prom with all those bitches that had tormented me all those years? But again, my mother didn't listen to me talking me into going. She wanted to make my Prom dress which again I knew those girls would have a lovely store-bought Prom dress to go in, I would stand out. Yet again she convinced me it was okay.

 I told the girls I needed help finding a boy to take me to the Prom. How I ever got swept up into something I knew I'd hate I'll never know. We wouldn't have this story then, would we? 

So that's how I met Tony. He was 6 ft. tall, wore black T-shirts and jeans every day. Black shaggy hair and brown eyes. We were introduced making my heart all aflutter. After making a date to go to the Drive-Inn I took a two-hour bath taking the time to get dressed, putting on my make-up excitedly waiting for the time he would show up. Finally, the time arrived and so did he pulling up in his black El Camino. The only throwback was he had brought his friends with him.

 Well, that Drive-In was where I lost my virginity. I was well aware of what to do from my earlier years only making damn sure I wouldn't get pregnant. Lucky for me there was a place you could go to get birth control at seventeen so that's what I did. He had to use condoms for a month until the first month of birth control pills were in effect. Parental Prevention gave out six-month supplies. Try hiding six months worth of pill packets, it wasn't easy. 

We had met three months before summer, the third month he asked me to marry him. At seventeen we were engaged. You see everything I did was trying to get out of where I lived, to be free. Summer came, and so did the end of my Senior year. It was 1976. Bicentennial Year. We had gone to my Prom leaving early after eating Cornish Hen for dinner. No more school for me which made me deliciously happy.

 I soon discovered that Tony and his parents went out of state for their summers. I had gotten to know his parents whom I was very fond of. They invited me to go with them. My mother said no. I was heartbroken with a summer of emptiness to look forward to. The day came for them to leave making me promise not to go out with my friends, to wait for him. Which I did. Again I was heartbroken looking forward to nightly calls, angry at my mother for keeping me home.

My girlfriends kept asking me to go out with them to which I explained I had made a promise. I would go to the new Recreational Pool that had been built spending my days there. My friends missed me, I missed them. Finally, at the end of summer, the Palm Springs Spring Fling was coming to town as it did every year. We all were too young to get in only getting in because of my friend's sister's boyfriend was playing in the band giving us their wrist bands. Teenagers will do whatever it takes to get their way.

The Spring Fling was so much fun! There were people everywhere talking laughing with the band playing all night long. I thought it was the neatest thing there was a bar in the pool floating all around. Then it happened. Tony's best friend had made a vulgar pass at me at the pool with me proceeding to tell him off, spotted me. I thought nothing of it, me and the girls dancing and laughing the night away until it was time to go home.

The next day I get a phone call. That gross boy had told Tony I was at the Spring Fling flirting with all the boys. I was furious that he didn't believe me breaking up with me again I was heartbroken. 

To tell you the truth I dodged a bullet with that one. He caught up with me after thirty-five years apologizing and we became friends on Facebook. He had been living with an older woman for twenty years talking to me on the phone behind her back. Plus he was "Self-employed." You know what that means, she had been supporting him this whole time. I now have him blocked from my facebook account.

So they came back, with him still believing all the lies it was time to move on. I got a job at Walker Scotts in the Palm Springs Mall. I was getting my life back on track, or was it? 

To be continued...

When you are a teenager you feel every emotion a hundred times more. Teenager or adult those feelings of betrayal, hurt, the loss can actually be a physical pain hurting deeply. So deeply all you want to do is get away from it. Cover it up with either a new boy/man/girl, drugs or sexual behaviors that could get you in trouble. Today you can get counseling online which I think is terrific.  

Online Therapy 

Good Therapy

Teen Line Online

Birth Control

Remember, it's not a matter of life or death to break up with someone. It may feel like it at the time. But that's the greatest thing about time. It does eventually heal your broken heart. Feel better and get help. Don't try to do it all alone like I did.

Saturday, August 3, 2019

For Better Or Worse #ChronicIllness#Sickhusband#Dontgiveup

 Isn't that pretty? I love messing with this stuff. I will give you the link. It's through Facebook. Frames for your photos. Anyways this post isn't about this picture. It'sore about the "better or worse" part of marriage.

From the day I met my husband, Chuck, he was very truthful about one of his conditions. It's called Hidradenitis. To find out more here's another link Hidradenitis. He began to notice boils coming out of his areas that were hairy in his twenties. Even the doctors he went to wasn't well-read in this disease so the boils began to grow under both his armpits. He finally decided to get the surgery which both his armpit glands were removed causing holes that were deep enough to put a fist in. 

I wasn't in the picture yet just hearing the stories. The end result was he can't spend a lot of time in the sun for he could become overheated causing him to faint. Which he has fainted a couple of times. But that's not all.

The list of what I call ailments is pretty long. Here I will list them:

  • Sterile
  • Depression
  • Anxiety  
  • Hidradenitis
  • Numerous Surgeries For  Hidradenitis
  • Cellulitis
  • Diabetes
  • Chronic Headaches
  • Gout 
  • Nerve pain in hips
  • Bad ankles 
It got so bad at one point he tried to swallow a bunch of pills ending up in the hospital, again. But, the man has never taken it out on me. He gained a bunch of weight, almost 300lbs. Now I worry about his heart. We have been together and married for 14 years. I have no idea where the time has gone like with all things. 

I've thought of running for the hills but with the tragic deaths of his sister, father, and mother I don't feel I could hurt him like that. My suggestion if you have a husband or wife who is in poor health get counseling in your area. Also, #ChronicillyIllSpouse is a good way to know your not all alone. The link is here.

I'm five years older than him having my own health problems. I get deeply depressed sometimes and I do something about it. When "For Better Or Worse" rears it's the ugly head as my son said, hang in there people. Think back to why you got married or even got together in the first place. And best of luck!

Friday, August 2, 2019

The Darling Inn #NewBlogger#LowIncomeApartment#StaySafe

I, with my husband, have lived at the Darling Inn three years now. Before this, we lived in an efficiency apartment. When we went to go look at it when we walked in I loved it right away. The way the apartment was set up reminded me of my grandma. It was very quaint. Behind there was the Passumpsic River, with that sound of a river traveling over rocks. Behind the river was a baseball field which at night in the summertime we could hear the ball being struck, the cheers of the crowd. The noise was comforting. The apartment was so small tho. I used to have another blog which I posted this about my tiny shower.


I find this funny and wanna share:  

Now I love a good hot shower like the next person but our shower has a personality all its own.

 First off my husband and I live in an efficiency apt. which seemed like a palace after being put up in our in-law's tiny trailer, which we were very grateful for, didn't have a working shower or bathroom for that matter so we defiantly were moving up.

Since we have moved in almost three years ago come this April of 2015 either we got larger or the shower shrunk. I prefer the latter.

I say this because there is a ritual to taking a shower here. It's a very chilly bathroom so you open the shower door to this large squeaky noise and turn on the shower to hot. Then always if not every time the shower door has to be adjusted making more squeaking noises. Sometimes the husband had to be called in to help do this.

You very carefully step in sideways trying to remember to shield your breast or the very cold edge of the metal will molest you getting in.

Shaving is a defiant challenge for bending over constitutes either banging your head on the shower wall in front of you or getting goosed from behind on the cold shower wall behind you.

When you are all showered up and ready to get out again shielding your other breast so the metal shower wall doesn't rip it from your body your home free and clean!

Mental Note: Next place will have a large bathroom. It will be so big you will have to follow painted arrows to find the tub!

We had applied for low-income apartments, the wait became eight months. When we got the approval letter we were overjoyed. The apartments charge 33% of whatever income you have. We have a 2-bedroom apartment now with a very large bathroom. When we first got here we didn't have much but I knew that it wouldn't take long to fill up and it did.
There are 28 apartments each with a person or persons with their different personalities. I enjoy getting to know them. The mail is inside the lobby. The door is locked at 8pm. It's nice to feel safe. It has a meal kitchen that sponsors a free Thanksgiving dinner every year. A big common room, a huge basement with laundry facilities.
So if you need to find a place that you can afford just type in low-income housing and Google will find low-income apartments close to you. Or you can do the same thing by the state you want to move too. You will have all kind of help through these low-income places and not be on your own.

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Parental Guidance,The Movie #NewBlogger#Grandkids#LongDistance#Grandparents#Movie#ParentalGuidance

Yesterday I came across a movie called Parental Guidance starring Billy Crystal and Bette Midler. They are two of my favorite actors and comedian. It starts out they are the last choice in being picked to spend a week with their grandchildren. That mirrors how I feel about being a grandparent to my two grandsons who I can't even post their sweet faces on my posts or anywhere else on-line because I'm respecting the parent's wishes. Which is fine. Far be it I'm the reason my grandsons got kidnapped. 

I noticed that the brother of the said mother is posting his baby online but no matter. It is what it is. Anyways back to the movie. 

*Spoiler Alert* Artie and Diane are asked to watch their three grandchildren for one week. They arrive at their daughters home which has all the latest hi-tech gadgets that I haven't even heard of yet. Of course, they all communicate by email and phones never leaving the house. 

When Artie and Diane first arrive they greet the kids who have been coached to just laugh at everything grandpa says to which they do. They step into the house and notice a mantle full of the other grandparents and one tiny picture of themselves which mirrored exactly how it was when I first went to visit my son, daughter-in-law and my firstborn grandson. I thought to myself how do they know? Bette Midler, Diane looks over the pictures, turns to Martie, Billy Crystal gasps and exclaims, "We are the *other* grandparents, Marty." 

So begins a week of two totally different cultures, one high tech one old school until they are all meeting in the middle. The end of the story shows all kinds of pictures upon I'm guessing the grandparent's mantles as it should be. I highly recommend this movie for all you grandparents who feel left out that something can be done about its never too late.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Love Lost On Valentines Day #NewBlogger#LoveLost#LifeLessons

Days, months, then years passed as time does, My pain faded into the past. I never forgot about my green-eyed, dark-skinned boy at the local swimming pool. I sat dreamily gazing out the window. It was the day after Valentines. In my mind's eye, I was that young girl of fifteen sitting at the edge of the local pool sunbathing.

The Californian sky was a vivid dark blue, a slight breeze was gently moving my long brown, sun-bleached hair.  One day in January I went to visit some old friends I had gone to school with. They were two sisters having been married living side by side in an apartment complex downtown in Palm Springs.

They all had to go to work leaving me with instructions to turn off the oven when the timer went off. I was sitting waiting when the door opened and in came Ricky, My first love was right here in front of me. we started to see each other again. January turned to February turning into Valentine's Day. I stared at the phone deciding to give Rick a call at his place of employment to wish him a Happy Valentine's day.

Heres the call I remember making. I was twenty-two: "Hello, I'd like to speak to Rick if he's available to please"? My heart sped up with excitement at the anticipated sound of his voice. I never knew what that saying, "time stopped" truly meant until I heard what came out of the phone's receiver, "I'm sorry, he died". I hung up in disbelief dialing my mother wailing, "He's dead". 

He had died in a car collision coming from a place called Shakey's Pizza. Some boys had gone out to Shakeys Pizza and were coming to the crossroads that had no traffic light and smashed into the car he and his brother were driving in. I was in shock for days.

Monday, July 29, 2019

Jr. High Palm Spring, California #NewBlogger#Life#GrowingUp#LifeLessons

I loved Art, Cooking, and Choir I remember the first time I got kicked out of a class. Some kid behind me from laughing had farted which sent me into peals of laughter. So I got kicked out. As I was heading down the hallway I heard a voice behind me to wait up. The rest of my class were behind me and we all went to my music class. That did not impress my teacher at all as I explained I had never been kicked out of class before. I innocently told him I didn't know I had to go to the principles office. Oops.

 The kids, as a rule, were pretty cool. The boys were so immature. I remember this one tall Afro-American boy who in between walking down the hall to classes liked to jump over a girl's head or stick someone with a pin. He stuck a pin in me once.  I was not impressed so when I got home the next day I brought my mother's darning needles to school brandishing them in front of this kid's face. He left me alone after that.

Another boy would punch me in the arm as he walked by me. He thought he was cool carrying this pocket knife around. I had had enough of this kid so one day he had his knife out at lunch and running by I grabbed it with him in hot pursuit. It ended with me running down one of the grassy hilly areas suddenly ducking down into almost a ball cracking up when he flew over me tumbling the rest of the way down the hill. I tossed his knife into a trash can. He left me alone after that. Junior High wasn't all about embarrassments. I did have two escapes, my love of art and music.

 The rest of Jr. High is pretty much of a blur. I was so relieved when it was all done. Another summer was here with camping, swimming, Sea World, Magic Mountain, The San Deigo Zoo, Knotsberry Farm, The Wax Museum were just a few of the places our family would go too.

I remember the first time I wanted to shave. I was a young girl and I had very hairy legs which of course made me feel very self-conscious. So one day I sneaked into my parent's master bathroom borrowing my father's very sharp razor which I had been warned never to touch. I snuck the razor into my bathroom excited, I was going to have beautifully smooth shaved legs. I sure could have used Google back then for at least I knew to lather up my legs first. I start at the top of my foot and draw the razor along the top of my leg to my knee. 

Have you ever cut yourself with a very sharp razor? If you have then you know at first you don't feel anything at all but you know there's something wrong. Next is this awful stinging sensation with blood flowing out of five or six little chunks of shin skin up the length of my poor leg. I managed to finish shaving only much more carefully around the little holes in my leg. I got better at shaving after learning the hard way which was mostly the only way I learned about life. I wore pants for a week. Now I know where the phrase growing up can painful comes from.  I heard my Dad your hollering from his bathroom. When you use a mans razor it dulls very quickly.

Images are flashing by for I had some very good times despite the fact I was still a loner belonging to no group of kids but trying to fit in. Nothing like I am now that’s for sure! Having to wear, yes my mother kept on buying youngish clothing, what she picked out was embarrassing. We would go to Sears and/or J.C. Pennys my mother armed with a credit card. For some reason, my father came along and it's he that I went to with my 'clothing issues'. I would make my argument over whatever I was being forced to wear, he would issue his verdict. I would win. It usually was about wearing outdated stuff. Going to Jr. High I knew you had to change in front of other girls in Physical Education.  No way was I going to wear cotton brief panties with little flowers on them! We settled on cotton crouch solid print bikinis. Now I needed bras. 

Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash

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